Chocolate eating techniques #3

Todays guide is a little bit of rule-bending because today what I'm going to show you how to eat properly is not chocolate: It's skittles!

Of course I don't mean bowling skittles, I wouldn't recommend eating those, I mean this kind

There are several varieties of skittles nowadays - as you can see I've got fruit skittles, which is the new name for the original ones - this technique should be applied to every type.

First off open the pack in the same way that you should open all packets of chocolate, crisps, sweets etc; Go along the seam so that you can undo it neatly without tearing anything. Unfortuately this packet wasn't playing ball with me today and it ripped open spreading skittles across my floor, so I went by the 2-second rule.


Step 2: The pairs and squares rule, which states that you can only ever, ever eat skittles in coloured pairs or coloured squares. Pairs is obvious enough, but coloured squares means a squared number of the same colour so 2, 4, 16 etc. Since you're unlikely to have 16 of the same colour this really just means 2 or 4.

Start off by picking up any two (or four) of the same colour from the packet and eating them together.

You may prefer to empty the skittles on a table and separate them into coloured pairs first, like so:

Continue this until the bottom of the packet. You don't have to stick with one colour you can swap back and forth, it's up to you.

This is where the technique turns into fortune telling! That's right you can actually read your luck for the day from a packet of skittles! If you get to the bottom of the packet and you have managed to pair up every last skittle - that is, if there are no odds ones left in the bottom, then you know that today will be a good day.

It's an omen, a sign that all is well with the world, that the universe is in order, that whichever gods you believe in are smiling down upon you.

If not all skittles are paired up, don't forget the pairs and squares rule - you can not eat single-colour skittles so just throw them in the bin.

No, seriously. Throw them in the bin.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how to properly eat a packet of skittles.

Coming soon: The definitive, ISO standardised way to eat a Cadbury's Creme Egg!

Until next time, ta-ta.