The Apprentice is hotting up!

I wonder how many blog posts get titled "Another day, another dollar" every Monday morning. Today, however is different because it's a bank holiday week so we all get to whine about being back to work a day later than usual. Yay!

As if that weren't enough to throw off my weekly clock, to make matters worse this weeks Apprentice is tonight, Tuesday, rather than the usual Wednesday - so instead of having to wait for midweek I'll see it on the first day of work. It'll be weird.

I am nontheless looking forward to it, things are really starting to hot up in the house as the numbers dwindle. Let's take a look at who's left - because yes, I really do have that much spare time at work.

Helene Speight
Ugly butch woman, who likes to have a go at Lucinda. Hasn't thus far been spotted doing much else, in fact. At some point as a baby her parents misspelled her name Helen on something-or-other official and she's been stuck with it ever since.

Michael Sophocles
Annoying whiny faux jewish boy. Kiss-ass to Alan Sugar who should've been fired after getting a Muslin market seller to bless a chicken to make it kosher.

Them two are mostly useless.

Lucinda Ledgerwood
Hippy nutjob who likes to wear berets and other equally ridiculous clothing. Good at bossing folk around but doesn't do much herself. Too old.

Claire Young
Gobby. Rude. Fat. But oddly likable. Apparently nicknamed Rottweiler because of her ability to go after whatever she wants. I thought it was more because of her face, to be fair.

Alex Wotherspoon
One of the favourites to win, Alex has ended up in the boardroom a copious amount of times desptie having never really cocked up yet. Needs a hair cut.

Lee McQueen
My personal favourite to win, Lee is a cockney legend who likes to refer to himself in third person. Famous quotes include "Lee McQueen is fucking concerned!" and "I'm buzzing...let's go sell some more knickers!"

The smart money is on Claire or Alex I think. I'd bet a tenner with anyone who'd take me up on it that Michael gets fired tonight.

And in the meantime I've got bugger all else to do but sit here at my desk bored...

The aftermath

Getting my nose broken is not much fun. Spending my birthday in A&E isn't either. Currently in vast amounts of pain.

ouch

Shoulda seen the other guy

I save lives

Girl music

They may be a girly band who make girly music. For girls. But nontheless I'm currently finding The Ting Tings incredibly catchy. I liked 2007s Fruit Machine, the last single Great DJ was really good and the new one That's Not My Name I like even more.

And talking about them gives me a great excuse to post this picture of the lovely singer Katie.

Why democracy will always fail

I'm not a capitalist, I'm not a communist, I'm not a facist, I'm not a socialist, and I'm certainly not an anarchist.

When it comes to social ideologies, democracy would at first seem to be the lesser of many worse evils. But people, I am here to tell you that it is wrong and I will explain why.

First you must watch this video.



That song, my friends, is the soon-to-be-released single by Scooter, from their current UK number 1 album Jumping All Over The World.

Now Scooter's album has reached number 1, we know that the system has failed. The common vote can no longer be trusted.

Denounce democracy today, we must act now to stop further attrocities!

24 rocks

Yesterday I suddenly realised I have 3 entire box-sets of 24 unwatched! So my Sunday was spent in the excellent company of Mr Jack Bauer, saving the world, one hour at a time.

I'm sucked in now. The next week or so of my life will be spent fighting international terrorism and maintaining national security. This time next week I will have convinced myself I'm a total badass just like Jack.

Apologies in advance to anyone I shoot.

Waterslides at barbecues aren't much fun at all are they

Why I loved Forgetting Sarah Marshall

I was at the cinema last night watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I loved it, and do you wanna know why?

Was it the excellent acting from Jason Segel? The brilliant comedy from Russel Brand? The perfect balance of humour and sentimentality? The great script from Segel?

No mate, it was none of them. One word: Kristin Bell




But that's not all there was also the equally lovely Mila Kunis.




I spent most of the film struggling to decide which one I wanted to have sex with more, until I realised I was overlooking the totally obvious answer - threesome!

Hot girls - I need to know more!

Right ladies listen up 'cos I've had about enough of this.

When I'm looking at your facebook profile, it's because I saw your photo and decided I wanna sex you, or at least that I needed to see more and bigger photos to decide I wanna sex you.

But know that I am not the shallow man most take me for. I am, contrary to popular belief, a caring and sensitive individual, who ALWAYS has sex with women for their personality, not just their titties. Well ladies I can't be judging you on your personality, or lack thereof, when your facebook says "oh hell if you're reading this you already know me".

No I don't fucking already know you! It's fucking facebook!

And the even worse ones are the ones that say "Just ask me whatever you want to know"

Well what I want to fucking know, the million dollar question I would like to ask you, is what you would put on a facebook profile if you were to sum yourself up as briefly as possible. CAN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU FUCKING CUNT?

And in conclusion - sorry ladies but you just talked yourself out of my sex.

But you were probably minging anyway.

Bank holiday

Bank holiday weekend was great. Another one soon? Yes please

Up and Downs

My beloved Stags are no longer a league football team - boo!

My boss is off for the next fortnight so I'm in charge - woot!

It's only 6 days after payday and I've got £0.30 in my bank - boo!

It's summer all of a sudden - woot!

boowootboowoot