A man is at home one day when he hears on the radio a warning of torrential rain, which will cause horrendous floods like never seen before. The town is evacuated but when they come to escort him away the man says "I am a religious man and my God loves me, he will save me from the floods".
The next day the water is 3 feet deep all across town and a neighbour comes to the man's house in a boat and says "Hey Buddy, come with me in my boat and be safe."
The man says "I am a religious man and my God loves me, he will save me from the floods", so the neighbour shrugs and sails on by.
The next day the flood water is 5 feet deep and the man is almost drowning, when a rescue helicopter flies overhead and a voice shouts down to him "Sir, let us throw down a ladder for you, come with us and be safe"
The man says "I am a religious man and my God loves me, he will save me from the floods", so the helicopter pilot shrugs and they fly away.
The next day when the man has drowned and is in heaven he says to God "Lord, did I not love you enough? Did I not lead my life well enough for you? Why didn't you save me?"
The Lord shakes his head at the man and says "I sent you a warning message, a boat and a helicopter, what exactly were you waiting for my child?"
--
Sometimes you have to make it happen yourself.
Monday, February 23
Friday, February 20
Think you'll find it's spelled 'Zarah'
My dad, doing a crossword: what's a name for a Tsar's wife?
Me: Tsarah?
Me: Tsarah?
Ok, even smart people say stupid things sometimes...
Watching BBC3...
A program called "Vodka, Homework and Me" (sic). Thinking that somebody, somewhere, sits in a dark room actually being paid to think up this shit.
So much for getting some sleep tonight.
So much for getting some sleep tonight.
Thursday, February 19
How Dickens got me more than I'd bargained for.
I haven't been sleeping at all recently - I'm currently operating on about 7 hours sleeping over the past 4 nights put together. That isn't really part of the story but it explains how it started, with me being on Facebook at 7:00am for no good reason.
I was reading this note (which you may not be able to see depending on your network, I think) about the BBC's list of the nation's favourite 100 books. They predict that most people will only have read 6 of them. Well of course, I'm not most people; nay, I'm a superintellectual who does nothing but read posh leather-bound books all day, so of course I'd read more than 6 of them. I'd read 7 of them :)
I decided that this simply would not do, which explains how I found myself sat at the back of Mansfield Public Library at 8:00am getting stuck into a copy of David Copperfield, just quietly minding my own business as you do, when a woman approached me declaring herself to be a local councillor who was there to talk with people about the plans for the Library.
I agreed to talk to them but then she said what she really wanted was for a library user (that being me) to take part in a photoshoot with a photographer from the Chad (and also another photographer who I assume was from the council). Next thing I know I'm shaking hands and fake-smiling my way through what seemed like an endless stream of photos with various local councillors, library staff members, and an arbitrarily placed small child.
After signing away all rights to my image being used, along with a million-pound picture deal, I do believe I just became the face of promotional material for the new library.
My life is weird!
I was reading this note (which you may not be able to see depending on your network, I think) about the BBC's list of the nation's favourite 100 books. They predict that most people will only have read 6 of them. Well of course, I'm not most people; nay, I'm a superintellectual who does nothing but read posh leather-bound books all day, so of course I'd read more than 6 of them. I'd read 7 of them :)
I decided that this simply would not do, which explains how I found myself sat at the back of Mansfield Public Library at 8:00am getting stuck into a copy of David Copperfield, just quietly minding my own business as you do, when a woman approached me declaring herself to be a local councillor who was there to talk with people about the plans for the Library.
I agreed to talk to them but then she said what she really wanted was for a library user (that being me) to take part in a photoshoot with a photographer from the Chad (and also another photographer who I assume was from the council). Next thing I know I'm shaking hands and fake-smiling my way through what seemed like an endless stream of photos with various local councillors, library staff members, and an arbitrarily placed small child.
After signing away all rights to my image being used, along with a million-pound picture deal, I do believe I just became the face of promotional material for the new library.
My life is weird!
Wednesday, February 11
Micro-Gallery v0.1
A couple of days ago I got asked by an employment agency about whether I had any online portfolio work they could see. Well, there are a couple of sites I've been working on recently, but everything decent I've made in the past is now offline for one reason or another: So I decided I need to knock up something new to show off what I can do.
The result: Micro Gallery v0.1! A PHP dynamic picture gallery script.
The idea was that I wanted to create a gallery script that, unlike the much more mature applications available online, was entirely self-contained within one PHP file. The result is a gallery.php that can be dropped into any images folder and will do everything itself with no need for installation or configuration whatsoever - and importantly, no need for any database! Even the background image is generated on-the-fly by a little GD script!
Aesthetically it's not much to look at, but this was more of an exercise in PHP and AJAX than in design work.
Most folks reading this will be entirely unimpressed by that, but perhaps a few of the geeks among you will think it's pretty cool.
The result: Micro Gallery v0.1! A PHP dynamic picture gallery script.
The idea was that I wanted to create a gallery script that, unlike the much more mature applications available online, was entirely self-contained within one PHP file. The result is a gallery.php that can be dropped into any images folder and will do everything itself with no need for installation or configuration whatsoever - and importantly, no need for any database! Even the background image is generated on-the-fly by a little GD script!
Aesthetically it's not much to look at, but this was more of an exercise in PHP and AJAX than in design work.
Most folks reading this will be entirely unimpressed by that, but perhaps a few of the geeks among you will think it's pretty cool.
25 things about me
Do you want to know 25 facts about me?
No, didn't think so.
I don't want to know them about you either, what makes you think I do? Shoo!
No, didn't think so.
I don't want to know them about you either, what makes you think I do? Shoo!
Monday, February 9
Facebook is NOT real life.
At the weekend I was out and about. As usual many people had cameras and one nameless person in particular was taking picture of people in the usual state of inebriated disarray, when I said "let me take a picture of you, you're not in any!".
"No I've just taken my 60th," they said, "can't put any more on facebook, no point taking more."
Is this just one freak weirdo or is this a new idea that's going around, that taking more than 60 photos on a night out is pointless because only 60 can go per album? If this is a trend then I may kill myself.
"No I've just taken my 60th," they said, "can't put any more on facebook, no point taking more."
Is this just one freak weirdo or is this a new idea that's going around, that taking more than 60 photos on a night out is pointless because only 60 can go per album? If this is a trend then I may kill myself.
Sunday, February 8
Shoe money tonight!
At poker last night I was promised a small buy-in fee but in the end everybody decided not to play for real money - BOO!
I'm training to run the Mansfield Half Marathon this year. I must be a sucker for punishment.
I'm training to run the Mansfield Half Marathon this year. I must be a sucker for punishment.
Friday, February 6
One eyed Scottish idiot...
Guess who's in the news today for causing controversy, by referring to Gordon Brown (texture like sun) as a "one-eyed Scottish idiot who lied about the economy".
Yep, you've guessed it. I love you Jeremy Clarkson, you are a legend.
Yep, you've guessed it. I love you Jeremy Clarkson, you are a legend.
Thursday, February 5
Awesome snow
I've never in England seen as much snow as we have at the moment. I've been out playing in it all day and I'm going out again later :)
Wednesday, February 4
Good call, girl
I went downstairs to let Bonnie and Jimbo out before bed. I opened the door and they both ran up, as usual, and Jimbo ran out.
Meanwhile Bonnie sat down inside the doorway and just looked up at me as if to say "What? Have you SEEN it out there?? Fuck that!"
Can't fault it. Ain't no way I'm doing my business out there either, girl.
Meanwhile Bonnie sat down inside the doorway and just looked up at me as if to say "What? Have you SEEN it out there?? Fuck that!"
Can't fault it. Ain't no way I'm doing my business out there either, girl.
Tuesday, February 3
Nails
Whenever you do anything in life, you have to consider how well you did it. Well, I do anyway, because I think too much, particularly about how I'm nicely turning into something that closely resembles normal.
Actually, thinking that probably means I'm not at all.
Whatever.
Well that conversation I just had with the texts and the messages and the BEEP BEEP and the buzzing every 20 seconds... well that thing... I nailed it :)
Well, up to the point about being blunt I did anyway, but up to then, with the not being snappy and with the reading the script, that was good I think :)
Actually, thinking that probably means I'm not at all.
Whatever.
Well that conversation I just had with the texts and the messages and the BEEP BEEP and the buzzing every 20 seconds... well that thing... I nailed it :)
Well, up to the point about being blunt I did anyway, but up to then, with the not being snappy and with the reading the script, that was good I think :)
Monday, February 2
Sunday, February 1
Driving in winter is awesome
Ok so it's snowing at the moment, same as it is more or less throughout the country, so driving at the moment is pretty hazardous but still, overall, driving in winter is awesome.
Y'see, when I got my license back a month ago somebody said to me "It's a bad time to be driving, in winter". Is it? Clearly this person has not for years had the experience of WALKING 10 miles to work in winter. If you think you're cold while you de-ice your windscreen in the morning, how do you think you'd feel if you were that cold for the whole journey, and it took 5 times longer? Driving in winter is the best thing ever. I particularly like it when I drive past a pedestrian I know and don't particularly like, then I turn up the heater and go into smug mode.
Funny thing is when I lost my license somebody also said to be "Shame you won't be driving through summer." Conversely - I can think of no better time to be outdoors and not stuck in a car than in summer.
Y'see, when I got my license back a month ago somebody said to me "It's a bad time to be driving, in winter". Is it? Clearly this person has not for years had the experience of WALKING 10 miles to work in winter. If you think you're cold while you de-ice your windscreen in the morning, how do you think you'd feel if you were that cold for the whole journey, and it took 5 times longer? Driving in winter is the best thing ever. I particularly like it when I drive past a pedestrian I know and don't particularly like, then I turn up the heater and go into smug mode.
Funny thing is when I lost my license somebody also said to be "Shame you won't be driving through summer." Conversely - I can think of no better time to be outdoors and not stuck in a car than in summer.
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