I like the word meander

So it's been a while since my relatively regular writings on here became, suddenly, sporadic. I guess I should explain why but we all know i'm not going to because most of the 2 (if i'm lucky) people reading this will care even less than I do.

One thing I have learnt recently is that we live in a crazy world. In the last week, over 5000 people in the uk lost their jobs at various companies all on the same day, Man City were on the cusp of signing a player in excess of £100m, and a pilot had to land a passenger jet in the Hudson river.

What most people don't know is that the Hudson isn't actually a river. Well technically it is, but it isn't by the time it reaches Manhattan, it's a tributary estuary.

Here's another thing most people don't know; the weasel, while oft times represented in historical folklore as a sneaky and perhaps even devious pest, was more anciently revered as the only animal that could slay the mythical basilisk.

I'm not at my computer i'm writing this from my phone which, combined with the fact that I just prefaced two paragraphs by declaring them to be things most people don't know... Well it's probably a strong hint that I may have made both of them up.

I've been unable to sleep tonight which is not at all unusual for me - I don't often sleep much. So in a futile attempt to cure boredom, I've just spent an hour with my computer beating me at chess. But don't worry, the next round in our tete-a-tete is kickboxing and to be honest I fancy my chances.

I got new underwear today. Well, new to me. Getting yourself some new underwear is a rite of passage for a guy: the first time I ever got my own boxers I felt like a growed up.

Sometimes I still do. But not usually.

Expensive cameras are a waste of money

For Christmas I bought my nephew a digital camera. Well technically I didn't buy it I just chose it and paid for it, but that's a long story.

Well he's only 10 and never had a camera before so I bought him basically the cheapest that he could play around with and ultimately, in all likelihood, break.

When it arrived today I played with it so I know how to use it when he inevitably asks me to show it to him. Conclusion: I like it. I mean I really like it, it's a great camera!

It does everything most people want it to, as easily and simply as you would hope for, but also has a very good selection of advanced settings that are hidden away from usual view - but not too hidden away to find easily when you want them. It's looks good, it's small and compact, doesn't fanny around with proprietary memory cards or batteries (Sony, I hate you) and it's just generally really good. It's not a shitty unheard-of brand either by the way, it's from Kodak who I think have been in the camera business a little while now.

So if this is what you get for a camera that costs £45, what more could you really expect from the many, many, vastly more expensive cameras on the market?

So if you want consumer advice from a geek who dabbles in photography - cheaper cameras are no worse than considerably more expensive ones. If you want good pictures you have to find them and take them, you don't need an expensive camera and don't ever let any DSLR wielding slaphead tell you otherwise.

Listen up.

I am here to preach to you about my religion. But fear not brave readers, my preaching doesn't involve a religion that requires flying a plane into a skyscraper, avoiding eating pork, or even touching small boys (but it doesn't rule it out either, don't worry).

The basic premise of my preaching is to spread the holy word of the two best things ever created by our god John Logie Baird, The West Wing and How I Met Your Mother.

I have commandments too.

The first commandment is honour thy father. Thy father is Aaron Sorkin (thy mother is Neil Patrick Harris).

The second commandment is thus; all television other than that which is preached in our religion, is shite. Thou shalt not watch lesser television.

The grace of the lord Sorkin be with all. Amen.

Words cannot fully express the irony in this

I got my driving licence back at midnight tonight. I went out driving straight away. The roads were empty - and everything was going fine. That is, until a police car appeared and started driving behind me. Then on came the flashing blue lights and I got pulled over, and had to go and have a nice sit in the back of a police car.

They said it was because I have a light out.

They checked all my details and sure enough my licence is fine, but they have no record of my insurance. Most likely this is because it comes into force today and their systems haven’t registered it yet or something, I don’t know.

SO I have been given a producer which means I have 7 days to take my driving licence, insurance certificate and MOT pass certificate to the police station, or I’m in some very, very big trouble.

This was at 12:08.

I was less than a mile away from my house. I’d been driving for 2 minutes, if that.

This is unbelievable. I am so fucked off right now.

If it happened to someone else I'd see the funny side. But it didn't, and I don't. I'm sure everyone reading this will have a good laugh at my expense though.

Happy New Year everyone

"Start as you mean to go on" is a phrase my mother says a lot. So why, then, do we all start every year getting blind drunk?

I will not be continuing this year in the fashion I started it.